Anxiety, running and me
For Jo, not being able to run can have a hugely negative impact on her wellbeing
Training: Week 7
Distance: 14 miles
Time until marathon: 6 weeks
Anxiety, running and me have a long and chequered past.
I’m not sure if I really appreciated how much of a coping mechanism to daily anxieties running was until I had been running regularly for a lot of years.
Running is my way of coping with all the things. ‘Running on it’ is my way of thinking about something deeply and most big decisions in my life will have been ‘run on’ at some point.
When I am in a particularly bad mood my husband will gently suggest I go for a run and, 9 times out of 10, magically, my mood shifts.
Everyone wins!
Daybreak - so good not to be running in the dark!
Having to stop
Throughout my twenties and early thirties running was a part of my life to a greater or lesser extent, but not something I really thought much about beyond general fitness and the ability to eat more cake.
I ran throughout both my pregnancies and although it was difficult managed to get some sort of semblance of a running routine once the babies were born
And then when my youngest child was about 4 months old I was told by the physio that I needed to stop running.
Spiralling downwards
At the same time without realising it I was spiralling into a hell-hole of post natal anxiety which included (but was not limited to) panic attacks, a constant and overwhelming sense of panic and impending doom, tearfulness and finally the feeling of not wanting to be here anymore.
By Christmas of that year things were really, really bad.
During that Christmas I thought ‘F*** It, I have nothing to lose, I will go for a run’. And I did.
For less than 20 minutes.
And I came back a changed woman.
Of course, it wasn’t quite so easy but along with a visit to my GP and (some years later) a bit more sleep, I was back. I would never stop running again regardless of anyone’s advice! Hurray!
Here we go again …
Fast forward to February 2022.
Even the most determined of runners cannot run with a severed Achilles tendon. Once again the tendrils of anxiety started to loop and twist their way into my psyche.
Thanks to my amazing boss at the time, Fiona, at MSH who allowed me to continue to work throughout (apparently I have never been as productive as when I was unable to walk) and a renewed love of reading, I got through.
Yes, the tears and the panic attacks and the sense of impending doom came but I knew their days were numbered. The day after my 40th birthday I was able to run again … and I haven’t stopped.
It’s all starting to make sense now!
For me, having running taken away from me again made me realise just how much I appreciated it. I knew the only way to mark this decade was a return to the marathon.
And finally, its starting to all make sense. This week’s 14-miler was super slow and really painful but I have recovered well and I am getting ready for 16 miles early next week!
How to sponsor me
If you can, please make this all worthwhile and sponsor me! I cannot overstate the motivational impact this has. Literally every penny I raise will be spent supporting women, keeping women safe, helping them to rebuild their lives and thrive, not just survive.
Visit my Fundraising page: Jo’s Marathon for MSH (peoplesfundraising.com)
Use this QR code to go straight to my fundraising page