Life in Bloom, Colour, and Group with Michelle
Meet Michelle
If I were to ask you to pick a colour to depict your mood what would you say? Navy, peach, or perhaps just beige? Maybe you’re feeling lavender, and have been for a couple of weeks, simply because you like the colour. Or you’re a sort of sparkly pink, as Michelle, the Community IDVA (Independent Domestic Violence Advisor) at My Sisters’ House, recalls a text she received from one of the women who attends peer group describing her mood.
Asking for colours that relate to the mood of each person is just one of the ways Michelle begins her Friday peer groups at My Sisters’ House. In a room of on average ten women who’ve experienced domestic abuse, Michelle uses colours to guide her as to where people are. ‘There’s often lots of greys,’ Michelle admits. ‘But sometimes there’s a pink or sky blue.’
The peer group of ‘Warriors’ and ‘Survivors’, as noted on the group whiteboard, look at different subjects each week. These topics progress from, for example, impact on self, early warning signs, and relationship with the perpetrator to subjects like finding closure after domestic abuse, coping strategies when feeling under pressure, sad, overwhelmed, or stressed, and three goals for life after domestic abuse.
In the small group with like women, who ‘Just get it,’ as Michelle summarises, attendees feel safe to share their stories. ‘Confidentiality is really important to ensure that the group feels secure,’ Michelle confirms. ‘It’s part of the rules that we cover in every peer session.’
She continues, ‘With domestic abuse it’s about trust and honesty, it’s about being believed. When women come to My Sisters’ House they know that they are believed and valued.’
Michelle has always wanted to work with and support women. ‘I’m passionate about making a difference,’ she agrees.
It was this drive which led Michelle to join My Sisters’ House about five years ago. She was the first volunteer and the first paid member of staff at the women’s centre. ‘I’ve been here since the very beginning,’ Michelle nods at me from her matching blue armchair. ‘I’ve watched My Sisters’ House grow.’
Before starting at My Sisters’ House, Michelle worked in the community for several years with Rough Sleepers and various drug and alcohol services. ‘I really identified domestic abuse was very much in that chaotic world,’ Michelle comments.
Now Michelle’s role at MSH as the Community IDVA involves 1-2-1 key working, making welfare calls, completing comprehensive assessments, and running the peer groups. She reflects, ‘I feel really privileged that people feel they can be open and honest and share their journeys with me.’
It’s undeniable that Michelle does so much for the women at the centre, though still she wishes she could do more for the community. ‘Travel is a barrier to people getting support,’ Michelle explains her desire to deliver peer groups in different areas. Childcare costs can also prevent women from attending group, which is why with previous funding for MSH Michelle offered to pay for the use of a creche.
‘I would like a magic wand and a big pot of money so we could have more funding,’ Michelle smiles, acknowledging more money would allow My Sisters’ House to support more women.
But, though difficult to admit, Michelle knows she can’t fix everything. That fact, and the heavy trauma the team have to deal with are the more challenging parts of the job. Though Michelle finds her morning beach walks with her dog, accompanied by a sort of spiritual mantra, and the support from the MSH team keeps her balanced. ‘We’re all very supportive. No one goes home feeling heavy.’
The best part of working at the centre, Michelle feels, is seeing people blossom. ‘My gift is seeing that person standing and in a completely different place. They’re happy and content,’ Michelle explains.
As we finish talking, I decide to ask Michelle what colour she is today. ‘I’m turquoise,’ Michelle answers. ‘Sometimes I’m more pinkish or yellow, but today I’m happy, open, ready for the day…turquoise.’
